December

Distance makes the heart grow fonder.
If too fond, the mind does ponder
If that love can last when yonder,
And one’s eyes begin to wander.

If that love were torn asunder,
Both would end up broken under
First, enlightening, then the thunder
Ever booming: loss or wonder.

Hard to move slow when a sprinter.
Hard to stay smooth when a splinter.
Hard to “-act” without the inter-
Course, you say, “Just get through winter.”

Help us, Lord, get through the winter.

“We should talk more”

We greet. We mingle.

We’re glad we’re not single.

We banter. We discuss.

One of us starts to fuss.

I make a joke. You take offense.

You correct me. I take offense.

You try to explain. I read it wrong.

I try to explain. You read it wrong.

I get angry. You have no clue.

You keep explaining. I ignore you.

I fume and quench. You misunderstand.

You give me a “fact”. I clench my hand.

I give you “experience”. You refute it.

You give me “perspective”. My anger dilutes it.

Continue reading ““We should talk more””

Rough Patch

Seems like I’ve been so focused on everything but you.

Never thought what joined together could be torn in two.

Scared for the future of an empty bedroom—without you.

So you think you found something more with someone more than me.

Til death do us part, or one signature sets you free.

Left thinking, “How could you?”—thinking, “How could this be?”

 
I just want 24 hours or even less if that’s too much to hold you close—

To lose you slow.

Before our courtesy sours, I want this night to be ours

Even if tomorrow, I have to let you go.
Continue reading “Rough Patch”

Guilt

Will there ever be a morning when this darkness turns to gray?

Will these winter-summers droll on further into disarray?

 

Will I see you in the morning when the dusk is yesterday?

Will you be there when I wake up or will our love slip away?

 

Will I never see a morning when the moon shines no ray?

Will the gloom ghouls never give up or will hope seize the day?

 

I am here now in the mourning of my soul’s own slow decay,

Still in waiting for a sunrise—’nother day, another day.

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My Left Hand

Less use for lack of ambidextrousness,

Less scars for lack of use,

Less stories for lack of scars,

Less experience for lack of stories,

Less ability for lack of experience,

Less ambidextrousness for lack of ability,

And yet I’m staring at it like it’s the most meaningful thing I’ve ever seen in my life.

Why?

This is my attempt to figure that out.

****

How often do we take for granted the things that we couldn’t live without?

Oxygen, Water, Salt, Bacteria, Spiders, Bees, Immune systems, Ecosystems, Social systems, Political systems, Solar systems, Gravity

 

Ah, Gravity.

The concept I use to describe my depression.

How quaint it seems to me now in awe of my left hand.

 

“What is this a joke?” I hear you thinking.

“What does that even mean?” I don’t even know myself.

But I do know that currently as I type this, I am in awe of my left hand.

I stare into its surface contemplating its vast simplistic complexity.

“You’re crazy.” Yep, totally, but aren’t we all?

Continue reading “My Left Hand”

Videotape

Author’s Note: I wrote this while listening to Radiohead’s “Videotape” and recommend that it be read while listening to it also (if you want to).

I step out of the cab just as I did years before, but this time I moved slower.

I remember holding you in my arms as you left me whispering a tear-filled, “I love you. I’m so sorry,” again and again.

I look out across the dry park grass while white winds wisp past—time hasn’t been kind to here.

I remember screaming, “NO!” as you fell to the ground—the shot still ringing through the rain.

Continue reading “Videotape”

Love is

Staying up late doing something you both love regardless of tomorrow still saying, “One more.”

Allowing her quiet time alone when she needs it even if you really want to be with her.

Copying down all the times she says, “I like this,” and waiting for a good time to give it to her.

Receiving gifts with gratitude letting her know you appreciate her trying even if you don’t like it.

Initiating massages, hugs, and kisses to remove all doubt and respecting her when she asks not to.

Finishing things neither of you like to do just so she doesn’t have to without expecting anything.

Ignoring the things that annoy you and things she does wrong and instead focusing on the good.

Complementing her daily whether or not you want to, it’s convenient, or she deserves it.

Enjoying the little things, sweet sayings, and memories because they are all that matters after all.

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Author’s Note: It’s an acrostic.